Is the title of the post going to get me in trouble? Sorry, I thought it was fitting following Tuesday’s post.

So, am I the last to hear about the movie Breastmilk coming out in August? It is by the same women who made The Business of Being Born, and it looks like it will be worth checking out.

Those of you who’ve been around since David was born will understand my love/hate relationship with breastfeeding. Yes, I wrote the words “hate” and “breastfeeding” in the same sentence. (Gasp). Let me clarify, I don’t hate breastfeeding rather, I hate that it didn’t work for me. Dammit, I tried. Since then, I have no problem seeing babies on the boob but it does make me a little sad. Still.

I hate breastfeeding because it did not go as planned. And me, being a planner, was not prepared for the derailment. I actually had a panic attack at the grocery store a few days after David was born when I had to purchase formula. The same girl who said just months before, “I will never give my baby formula!”

Long story short, my paediatrician psychiatrist told me to stop trying at five months for the health of me and my baby … it was the hardest decision I ever had to make. Harder than the five months of nursing / pumping / bottle feeding / formula top-up / nursing / pumping / bottle feeding / formula top-up cycle I got myself into.

Anyway, who knows why it didn’t work. I know some people believe every women can breastfeed and if you say you can’t – it’s just an excuse, not your body’s inability and to be honest, I kind of believe it. I can’t blame the hospital for their lack of support any more than I can blame myself and I certainly can not blame David. Sure, it would of been great to hear that there were lactation consultants sooner that 3 months after I quit. Sure, it would of been great to be more patient and calm but it is what it was and getting over it is the biggest hurdle. One step towards contentment will be watching this movie and to finally stop hating myself for hating that breastfeeding was such a terrible experience.

How about you? Anyone else have a love/hate relationship with breastfeeding? Are you going to watch this movie?

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